#smell ppl see this please and tell me

[doodlboy]

*grabbing ppl who know abt smells*

How do you know what is a good smell 4 you and what isn't? Also- is perfume/cologne supposed to give you a headache?

[daydreams-after-dark]

Pairing: musician!Han x reader… bartender!chan x reader … security guard!Changbin x reader.

Synopsis: Han asks you to meet him in the corridor at a bar. Chan and Changbin join in for the fun.

About a 7 minute read.

This story is moderately unhinged. Porn without plot.

Unhinged level: 🤡🤡🤡🤡

A/n: I couldn’t sleep the other night and thought to myself “what’s a naughty fantasy I could write about that isn’t realistic in the slightest?” but also not fantasy genre (one day I’ll write a non human Han story, promise).

This is what I came up with. Please be safe when having sex. The following isn’t recommended except in delululand where anything goes. 😜

CW: unprotected p in v sex with multiple strangers in a semi public space (a bar) and ppl see // voyeurism // exhibitionism // sub reader // 3Racha cum dump situation // gagging with underwear// mating press kind of// oral sex m rec// slight degradation- they talk like reader isn’t there // size, stretch kink// mild pain kink// I don’t offer a safe word option in this story but I promise reader wants it all (cos I made her up)// like I said it’s not realistic // if you are uncomfortable with any CW please don’t read.

A/n (again): Okay so now that’s out of the way… the scenario that got me hot and bothered…

Oh and by the way way if you want to be tagged in my after dark content because you’re as filthy as me, please let me know 😘

Really… let’s get started… I’m writing this 3 wines in 🤪 so who knows where we’ll end up. 🫣

You sit on a stool at the bar watching the musician on stage. His name’s Han, and he is singing a love song whilst playing his acoustic guitar. He’s fucking gorgeous and you can’t keep your eyes off him.

The bar itself is pretty empty. There’s the bartender. His name tag says “Chan”, a dozen or so patrons and a security guy pacing the entry way. You’re dressed up far more than anyone else here tonight in your short, tight, stretchy boob tube style dress and strappy stilettos.

Han finishes his song, and apparently his set list because he leaves the stage and some random music comes through the speakers. You turn back to face the bar and concentrate on your drink.

That’s when you feel a hand on your thigh. You turn to see who has the audacity, the nerve, to just come up and do that and find it’s none other than Han himself. Your breath catches in your throat. But he doesn’t actually acknowledge you. He just reaches over the bar, grabs a pen and scribbles something on the back of a coaster and pushes it in front of you. Then after a knowing, silent exchange with Chan, Han is gone.

You look down at the coaster to see a note, an invitation, just for you.

Meet me in the corridor in three minutes.

Corridor? You look around the bar.

“He means the corridor outside the bathrooms.” Chan informs you, like he’s seen this play out before. Oh? So Han does this often? You wonder for half a second, until your feel your pussy throb. You’d better listen to your pussy, you tell yourself.

…..

He’s waiting against the wall outside the bathrooms. Just like Chan said.

You take deep breath and bravely walk up to stand in front of him. He smells intoxicating.

“Hey?” You say quietly.

“Hey, baby.” He replies in a deep, husky voice.

You take a step towards him but in one swift move he turns you around and presses you against the wall.

You cry out in surprise at the forcefulness, then moan into his mouth when he crashes his lips on yours. His hands slide down your sides and then grope your ass as he presses himself against you.

You feel your body spark with arousal as he makes out with you in a rough, urgent way. His hands move down to then reach up under the hem of your dress. He slowly inches it up beginning to expose your ass. You pull away from the kiss and he moves his mouth to your neck.

“M-maybe…we should…take it to the bathroom?” You say.

Han nibbles your ear, his hands cup your bare ass cheeks. “Here’s just fine, baby.” He whispers.

“What?” You yelp.

“I’m gonna fuck you right here, not in a filthy toilet.” He grinds against you again and he’s so fucking hard it makes your cunt ache.

You see two women come out of the ladies room and glance over to where you are in the hall. They throw you an encouraging glance and throw a fist in the air to say “you go girl.”

“W-what about protection? You got something?” You pant. He’s really getting to you, and if he were to touch you right there, he’d know how ready you are for him to fill you with his cock.

His hands pull your dress up further exposing your red thong, and he hooks his hands into the sides of your underwear and peels them down your thighs.

You can hardly believe what’s happening when he’s dropped down momentarily to pick them up off the floor.

“Baby,” his voice is serious as his mouth inches closer to your cheek. “You’re asking too many questions. Just do as I say.” He shoves your panties into your mouth. Your eyes widen in surprise.

“Now listen.” He kisses your neck softly and his hands come back to squeeze at your ass. “I’m gonna fuck you raw.” Another kiss to the corner of your mouth this time. “And I’m not gonna pull out.” He yanks your panties out of your mouth. “You understand?”

Your body feels like jelly. His words are turning you on far too easily. You nod vigorously. “Yes. I understand.” You gasp. The panties are pushed back into your mouth and Han smirks at you.

“You’re such a good girl.” He caresses your body. You’re melting under his touch. “I saw you watching me.” His fingers tease the edge of your pussy. You need him to touch you so bad. You feel a thrill knowing you’re naked from the waist down and your dress up around your waist - In a public hallway for fucks sake. Anyone could stumble across you. It makes your pussy squeeze.

You wrap your arms around his neck and begin to grind yourself against his clothed crotch, trying to get him to touch you already.

He slips his fingers between your legs and slides his finger along your pussy. “Fuck baby. I gotta fuck you right now.”

His hands leave your body to undo his pants and release his cock. You don’t even get to see it because he’s lifting you up and your legs automatically wrap around him. He presses you against the wall at the same time he manages to plunge deep into your cunt. You cry out around the panties in your mouth.

He’s inside of you. Fucking you raw just like he said he was going to. He fucks you deep and slow, leaning in close against you and breathing ragged breaths. “Fuck, you feel good… knew your pussy would feel perfect around my cock.” He panted.

Your eyes roll back into your head as this man you’ve barely exchanged two words with is fucking you better than anyone has in a long time.

A few minutes pass and you’re feeling delirious from the relentless pace Han has built up to and you close your eyes, relishing the feeling of being used like this.

You open your eyes to see two men approaching, and you’re startled for a second until you realise who they are.

Chan and the security guard, Changbin is what his name tag says. Fuck you’re going to be kicked out. Banned for life.

But they’re not here to kick you out. Chan comes up to your left, Changbin on your right.

“So you’ve found Han I see.” Chan notes as he breathes on your cheek.

“She’s an eager one. Look at her with her pussy out on display.” Changbin growls.

“Does she feel good, Han?” Chan asks.

“Fuck, yeah! She’s so tight. Such good pussy.” He pants and thrusts harder causing you to whimper.

Chan and Changbin start to kiss your neck, nip your earlobes, breath hot heavy on your skin. The additional physical contact, and just the scenario itself, makes your core tighten. Your orgasm is approaching, you can feel it building rapidly.

“Fuck, look at her responding! She likes the idea of three guys huh?” Changbin notes.

“Hey Hannie, let’s help you out a bit, yeah?” Chan smirks.

Chan and Changbin hook an arm under each of your legs, holding you up and essentially pinning you to the wall behind you. Your arms automatically hold onto their shoulders, as they continue to bury their faces in your neck.

Han pulls out of you the whole way and takes in the sight before him.

“Fuck! Look at her pussy. It’s dripping.” He says.

The two others look down and moan and curse under their breath. Han runs his hands along your inner thighs, pushing them wider. Chan and Changbin pull your legs out as far as they can and then push your bent knees up higher. It’s like they’re trying to get you into as close as a mating press as possible.

“Han, you should get her tits out too.” Changbin suggests. Han obliges and yanks down your strapless dress, spilling your breasts out. It causes a commotion as their hands start to grope and knead them.

Han steps closer, ready to penetrate you again. “This is gonna be so deep, baby.” He pushes his cock back inside you and cups the underside of your ass for leverage.

It is so fucking deep that you swear you can feel him in your throat. He slams into you time and time again. It hurts, but in the most satisfying way. Tears prickle at your eyes from how good you’re being fucked and then you cry out around your panties as you orgasm.

“Shit…shit…fuck…baby…so…slippery…” Han pistons into you frantically. “Fuck I’m cumming, baby.” You feel his release deep inside you, against your cervix, leaving you both panting as you try to catch your breath.

He pulls out, removes your panties from your mouth and uses it to catch his cum that starts to seep out of your hole. Once he’s satisfied, he balls up the underwear and shoves it back in your mouth.

“My turn.” Says Changbin. He swaps places with Han. They continue to hold you in this position as Changbin lines his cock up with your entrance. He’s thicker than Han and the stretch makes you moan a deep guttural sound.

“Yeah, you like Binnie’s cock, hmm?” Chan cooes. “Didn’t know she’d be such a cockslut when I served her drinks.” He added.

“I could tell.” Han replies and licks the skin on your neck.

You’re loving the way they’re talking about you like you’re not there or can’t hear them.

Changbin sets a slow and steady pace, but the way he angles his cock at the end of each thrust sends jolts of pleasure through you. He doesn’t change pace or intensity the entire time he’s fucking you. It’s relentless, excruciating, frustrating that he won’t go faster. You can’t do anything about it because you’re pinned in place.

You sob around the panties in your mouth and your mascara is running down your face as you cry. You need to cum again.

You feel fingers encroach your asshole and start to explore you there. Please don’t tease me. You think to yourself. You don’t know whose fingers they are, but when one squeezes into your tight hole, you cum instantly.

“Fuck! She’s cum again. Such a good girl.” Han praised you.

“Shit, she clamps down hard doesn’t she?” Changbin growls. He suddenly pulls out and coats your inner thighs with his cum.

Again, your panties are removed and used to wipe up as much cum off you as possible and then it’s put back in your mouth.

They release you and help steady you on your feet. Han and Changbin continue to kiss and caress, squeeze and nip at your body.

“My turn now, babygirl.” Chan says pulling a chair into the hallway. He sits himself on the chair, holding his erect cock in his hand. It’s enormous, and you’re not sure how you’re going to manage it.

“Come, sit on my cock. I want to feel if you’re as tight as these two are saying.”

You carefully straddle Chan, facing away from him so the other two can get a full view, and lower yourself over his cock. He stretches you so wide as you slowly sink down. Once you reach halfway you stop. It’s not going to fit.

“You’ve got a bit more to go, sweetheart. Do you need help?” He grabs hold of your hips and pulls you down the rest of the way. You whimper. It’s too deep. He’s too big.

“Now babygirl, you’re gonna fuck yourself on me. Make me cum.” He growls.

You press your stilettos into the carpet and start to bounce on Chan’s cock. The impact against your cervix is brutal and you cry out each time his cock makes contact with it.

You’re not sure how much you can take, but you want to be a good girl, you want to please them. You want to show them you make Chan cum. You ride him wildly with all the enthusiasm you can. Just like in the porn you love to watch. You reach down and rub at your clit, and your other hand comes to your breast. You want to put on a show.

“Fuck, look how red and swollen her cunt is!” Changbin stares at where you and Chan are connected, dick in his hand.

“Makes me want to fuck her again.” Han declares as he pumps his own hardening cock. “Bet it’s twice as tight now.”

They’re right. You are swollen and sore, but it feels so fucking good and you can’t stop.

You reach out, ushering Han and Changbin closer. They step forward and you wrap your hands around their cocks.

Chan’s hands wrap around your front so he can grab onto both of your tits, and Han reaches down to play with your clit.

“That’s the way baby. Your hand feels so good around my cock.” Moans Han.

“How does her cunt feel, Chan?” Asks Changbin.

“Tiny. Feels like I’m gonna split her in two. Fuck, I wanna break her little cunt.”

That was enough. Those obscene words took you over the edge and you were cumming again. Harder than ever.

“Babygirl, I’m close! Fuckin’ milk me. Make me cum. Yes. Yes. Good… fucking pussy…suck it all out me… There you go. There you go.” chan groans, filling you up.

“Quick. Kneel on the floor.” He’s is quick to shove you off his cock.

You kneel on the floor as instructed, and continue to pump Han and Changbin as they stand in front of you. Han rips your panties out of your mouth only to stuff it with his cock. Changbin holds the back of your head while Han fucks your throat. He’s not gentle and you gag. It seems to spur him on, each thrust deeper into your throat. Then he pulls out to tell Changbin do the same.

They take turns like this for a while, even attempting to stick them both in your mouth at once, with Chan slouched on the chair working on getting himself hard again.

Han and Changbin release you and admire the saliva, tears and smeared mascara all over your face.

Then the the three of them stand in front of you pumping their cocks.

“Okay, baby. You ready? Keep your mouth and eyes open for us.” Chan says.

You open your mouth wide and do your best to keep your eyes open as Han, Changbin and Chan shoot ropes of cum all over your face. Some gets in your mouth, but most of it lands on your cheek, eyebrows and caught in your eyelashes.

Fuck you looked like a cum dump with a bucketload on your face, and Chan’s cum running down your leg.

“So fucking pretty.” Han smears the cum around your face.

Your panties are again used to wipe your face, but they are so wet that it can’t absorb anything else.

Chan comes behind you and scoops up some of the leaking cum and pushes it back inside you.

Then they get you to stand up and put your cum-filled panties back on. They feel so wet and dirty. You fix your dress, pulling it back down over your ass and up over your tits.

You look around to find the men are gone.

“Well fuck me!” You say out loud.

“Well I hope I can again.” Han says a he comes out of the bathroom with paper towel. He wipes your face to get the remaining cum off your skin.

“I’m hoping you’ll come back to mine. I still have one more hole to fuck, and I really want to take my time with it.”

@kangnina @noellllslut @channieandhisgoonsquad @weareapackofstrays @itshannjisung

[jamjaemin]

𝕿𝖍𝖊 𝖌𝖎𝖗𝖑 𝖍𝖊 𝖑𝖎𝖐𝖊

• pairing. Lee jeno x reader

• description. all your sweet husband wants is to put his dick in your mouth —is that so bad?

• ↳ tags. smut (18+), blowjob, slapping, husband!jeno, filthy honestly.

• w/c. 0.6k

• a/n. My mind is wild especially when I'm about to sleep so.. i couldnt hold back.

The hand of Jeno tangles hard in your hair, keeping you arrested and reliant on him for movement until there’s an ache in your neck. His veiny forearm is flexed and resolute, giving you a jostle that puts a sting in your scalp. A whimper escapes you, keeping your eyes squeezed shut. It’s all so much, in such a delicious way, and when the familiar motion of him rearing your head back signals you as to what’s to come, you open your mouth obediently. As you suspected, a heavy tip smacks against your hanging tongue, scraping against tastebuds as it plunges down your throat.

You lurch, violently. Drool spilling from the corners of your lips as he fucks your face, moving you for you like a fleshlight. A pliant and submissive little toy. Without concern over how much you stifle and work through your gags, his hips buck to meet you, shoving his cock further and further in with each thrust. It’s breakneck. That ache in your spine worsens as he uses you. He sees you push your limit, raising yourself to the best of your ability. When you palm his thighs he knows you’re about to push off, so he makes the decision for you, folding over to pull himself out. A thick string of cum and saliva connects the two of you until its weight breaks, glossing your chest and legs like a satin ribbon. You like it rough. So he’ll fucking give it to you.

He cranes your neck back and rears his hand, swinging it to contact your cheek in a resounding smack. It sounds worse than it is, and the burn of it rushes blood to your skin. You cry out as your sex floods with new arousal, dripping down your bare thighs and to the floor. It seems he wasn’t satisfied with the first because he gives you another one, the ends of his fingers slapping you in the same spot, harder than before, flaring up the existing pain. You flinch in preparation for it, and squeak when it hits, backing up out of instinct but that grip on your hair is infallible.

“Look at me.” he tells you, but you can’t do it yet. Holding back tears, you breathe hard through your nose as your pussy pulses with the need to be filled. The taste of his dick is still on your tongue, sweat and bitter pre-cum, the smell of a boy’s crotch gone unshowered for a couple days. He yanks you over by your hair, giving you another firm pat to your cheek to make sure you’re paying attention, “I said, look at me.”

Your brows upturn, involuntarily keening from his actions as the burn on your cheek intensifies. Claws reach out to clutch his forearm as he grabs your jaw, angling you to face him.

You open your eyes for him, and you see him tongue his upper lip beaded with sweat. “That’s right. Fuckin’ slut like you still does what she’s told, huh? You fucking like getting your throat fucked?” he questions in disbelief.

He doesn’t wait for an answer, straightening to tower over you as he pushes his hips forward, rudely nudging the tip of his cock to your lips til it protrudes through. It slides in, and as soon as he’s given leeway he bottoms out, your nose bumping his abdomen as you gag around him.

ᡣ𐭩

a/n. hope you enjoyed! please like and reblog and let me know how u liked this, i know some ppl will find this hot and the others not mwah c:

[itsthesinbin]

Laios Touden x Fat!Reader (SFW AND NSFT)

I'm gonna do individual posts just so i dont feel pressured to write a bunch at once

here's the first of the fat!reader stuff- my boy Laios!

for my fat bitches and bastards who get tired of ONLY seeing chubby!readers and how they're all cutesy and insecure about their bodies.

SFW

⦁ We already know Laios likes fat fucks. It's canon from the short orc segment tbh. ⦁ Golden retreiver boyfriend with the brain of an orange cat. He's very affectionate and very stupid (lovingly). ⦁ He's physically affectionate and kinda just. grabs part of you when cuddling. He doesn't mean anything by it but they're called love handles for a reason. ⦁ Emotional support stomach. Like how a woman just grabs her boob for no reason, Laios does the same to your stomach (or your boob if you have them and let him do that). ⦁ "Laios" "Yes?" "Stop jiggling my stomach." And he gives you the puppy eyes cause he's a big weenie. He catches you doing it to yourself later and just "WELL WHY CAN'T I DO IT THEN!!!!" Sometimes you just gotta slap your flab around don't lie to me and say you don't do it. ⦁ Putting the tall in Tall-Men, his clothes fit you so you're often stealing them. He actively gives you clothes to wear and wash so they'll smell like you/your soap when he goes into the dungeon. ⦁ If you go into the dungeon with him to find Falin, he gets worried about your caloric intake (and everyone else's but bigger ppl like you, himself, and Senshi need more calories) and double checks with Senshi that you got enough food. Senshi gets offended that he thinks you're not being fed, but Laios is just worried about you. ⦁ Personal hot water bottle. Extra body fat means you keep heat so if he's cold he's instantly in your sleeping bag- or he begs you to get in his.

NSFT

⦁ Please sit on his face please please please please please please for the love of god please. ⦁ Very much the type to get a GOOD hold on your hips and ass. If it's got meat he's grabbin it. ⦁ Has asked for a boob job at least once if you got them. He'll respect if you say no, of course, but he does pout a little. Not in a guilt trippy way his dumb ass does NOT know how to hide his emotions. ⦁ He's very sloppy and inexperienced, but he is VERY enthusiastic. ⦁ Praise kink to the max- loves telling you how good you look and feel, and absolutely melts if you do the same to him. ⦁ Sucks dick/eats pussy like it's his last meal you WILL be walking funny later.

[iheartyouyou]

SWEETHEART | Jeremiah Fisher

Summary: After your parents file for a divorce, you’re forced to move in with your mom’s friend until the divorce is finalized. You wished you could stay with your dad and your friends, but when you meet Jeremiah Fisher, that changes. And now you’re wanting to stay in the Cousins. Too bad things don’t last forever.

Word Count:

Part: 6

previous part series masterlist next part

Authors Note: I’m like actually so sorry for not updating. I’ve just been really unmotivated but since season 2 is out I’ve gotten more motivation and energy to continue the series! Not proofread (like always) but please let me know if you want to be on the taglist or if I missed you! (it wouldn’t let me tag some ppl for some odd reason.)

“Y/N, wake up!” You hear someone whisper.

You mumble something you don’t even remember, shoving your face deeper into a pillow. You think whoever was trying to wake you left, and so just as you were about to fall back asleep a pillow hit your back.

You look up to see Jeremiah with a pillow in his hand… and he was shirtless. You lazily stared at his abs before he smacked your face with pillow.

Fuck, did he notice?

“C’mon! It’s Belly’s birthday, we gotta go get up before her.” He says.

“Wha—“ You start, cut off with another pillow to face. You reach your arm out to snatch the pillow away, but he pulls it out of your reach.

“What time is it?” You ask, rubbing your eyes.

“8:00”

“What the hell—“

“It’s Belly’s birthday, we gotta decorate the kitchen before she wakes up.” He explains, throwing the pillow back onto your bed.

It was her birthday? Shoot, why didn’t anybody tell you? You would’ve gotten her a gift, you know you just met her and all but still.

“I’ll be down in a bit.” You mumble, shoving your face back into your pillow.

Maybe you could get her a gift later? What does she even like?

“Okay, make sure to brush your teeth… I can smell your breath all the way from over here.” He exaggerates, jokingly grimacing as he plugs his nose.

“Shut up!”

And before you knew it, you were back asleep. You were exhausted from the night before. After Belly joined in on your guys’ movie marathon, she shortly fell asleep and whenever you would close your eyes for longer than 5 seconds, Jeremiah would be the one to poke you, waking you up. It wasn’t until after the movies were over, Jeremiah woke Belly up and the two didn’t even have a chance to leave before you were passed out.

You rubbed your eyes hastily, jumping out of bed after you heard the multiple “heys” coming from downstairs.

Grabbing the first shirt and shorts you saw, you sped walk downstairs, following the voices.

“….Conrad, uh, do you wanna give Belly your present?” You hear Susannah ask.

It’s quiet for a few moments, before Conrad responds, “Sorry… I forgot.”

Nobody noticed you yet as you watch the side of Belly’s face fall, a small frown on her lips.

An awkward pause of silence washes over before Belly quickly recovers, “Oh. That’s cool— I wasn’t really expecting anything anyways.”

Another awkward pause happens until your mom spots you. “Ah, there’s Y/N!”

You watch as all eyes fall on you, your mom getting up from her spot on the couch and making her way to you. She pulls out a small box from her front pocket, giving it to you. She mouths the words; “We’ll talk later”

You give her a tight lipped smile, before she makes her way back to her spot. You follow quickly, giving the box to Belly as you say “Happy Birthday.”

Belly sends you an appreciative smile, “Aw, Y/N. You really didn’t have to get me anything.”

“Pfttt, of course I did.” You say, watching as she opened the box. It was a pair of earrings along with a necklace. Her smile widens, “Thank you!”

Conrad makes an excuse, before exiting the room as Belly smiles once falls again.

“Hey, why don’t we practice driving before we have to go pick up Taylor from the bus station?” You hear Jeremiah say.

Who the hell is Taylor?

-

“I can’t believe you would sleep in like that!” Your mom lectures you after pretty much everybody left the house. Jeremiah invited you to go witness “Belly’s terrible driving skills” but you mom quickly shot him down.

“I didn’t know—“ You start, uncomfortably sitting at the edge of her bed.

“Really? Because didn’t Jeremiah wake you up?”

“Well, yeah—“

“Jesus, Y/N. Why are you acting like this? I didn’t raise you—

“Oh, I don’t know! Maybe because you’re forcing me to stay here when I can stay with Dad!” You interrupt.

Before your mom could even get a chance to go off at you, a knock on the door stops her. She exhales before opening the door.

Susannah stands there with a smile on her face, “Hey, I was wondering if I can take Y/N out for shopping? I need to get some stuff for tonights dinner, It would be a great time to get to know her better.”

Your mom stays quiet for a moment before nodding, “Yeah, I’m sure it’ll be fun.”

You follow Susannah outside to her car, silent as you sat in the front seat. You put your seatbelt on before you realize that Susannah wasn’t making any move to put hers on.

“Y/N, look, I know how it must feel to be staying at some random strangers house. But, I’ve known your mom for a while. And she has her reasons, okay?” She tries to explain, staring at you with a look of empathy on her face.

You bite your tongue, trying to stop yourself from saying anything rude. You appreciated Susannah letting you stay here, she was nice, had amazing sons, well one of them at least, and she was an overall sweet person. It was just… you missed home. You missed your friends, you missed your dad, and it feels weird being here. You feel out of place, like an intruder. Everybody knows everybody but you.

“I just wanna go home.” You mumble, leaning your head against the car door.

She stays silent for a moment. “… Okay, how bout we make a deal?”

This perks your interest as you lift your head to look at her.

“If you still wanna go home by the end of this week, I’ll talk to your mom and see about flying you home.”

Your eyes widen, “Wait really? You’d do that?”

“Yes, but only if your mom is on board. Just try to stay on your mom’s good side until then?” She suggests, sending you a wink causing you to laugh.

“Okay, okay, deal.” You say, trying your hardest not to smile from ear to ear.

She starts the car, “I actually need stuff for Belly’s birthday dinner tonight but we can stop for some pies and eat them in the car. Just don’t tell anybody.”

-

By the time you’re back at the house, you notice Jeremiah’s red jeep back in the driveway. You felt fat and full after splitting a pecan pie with Susannah and just wanted to sleep it off.

You helped get the groceries out of the car, setting them inside on the counter. Your mom was nowhere to be found, thank god so you didn’t have to continue the lecture from earlier… at least for now.

As you were about to grab the last bag, you spot Conrad and his girlfriend, whatever her name is, walking to the backyard.

Oh god were they about to make out in the pool or what? Why’d he even bring her? It’s Belly’s birthday and he just brought his girlfriend over like they weren’t arguing a few days ago? Pathetic.

“Do you need help with putting these away?” You offer Susannah once your back inside, she shoos you away, claiming you should go hang out with the rest of the kids.

You shoot her a appreciative smile, your arms sore from carrying all those bags as you went from store to store.

Opening the sliding door, the first people you notice are Conrad and his girlfriend sitting on the edge, and the next thing is a net with a volleyball flying over it.

“Hey, Y/N! You’re back!” You hear Belly shout, Conrad and his girlfriend both turn to look at you but you ignore them as you make your way closer to the pool.

“Hey.” You say. You finally notice the new face next to her, a dirty blonde in a teal bikini. And you definitely don't miss the dirty look she sends you.

She waits a few moments, hoping her friend in the bikini would introduce herself but she doesn’t make any effort, still looking at you like you were gum on the bottom of her shoe.

Belly nervously laughs, “Y/N, this is my best friend Taylor. Taylor, this is Y/N. You know the one I was telling you about on the phone?”

“Oh yeah.” Taylor says, forcing a smile your way.

What the hell was her problem?

“Join us! Steven can sit out—“ Jeremiah starts, throwing the ball up in the air but catching it.

“No, no, I never agreed to that!” Steven argues, Jeremiah spins around and guessing by the look on his face or something he said that you couldn’t hear Steven groans before giving in.

“Actually we were about to go to the beach, right Belly?” Taylor speaks.

“Uh, yeah.. Y/N do you want to come?” Belly asks, looking away from her friend to look at you.

Telling by the annoyed look on Taylors face and the way she’s been looking at you, you can tell she doesn’t want you there. Or anywhere around her for that matter.

“No thanks, I’m pretty tired from shopping.” You tried to joke, chuckling to yourself.

“How could you be tired if you slept in this morning?” Taylor quips, shooting you a glare. Belly turns around to shoot her one, causing Taylor to shrug.

“Haha, yeah…” You mumble, scratching your arm. Oh god, the end of the week couldn’t come any faster.

Belly gives you an empathic look, or you think she did, you were too busy staring at your feet.

You didn’t want to go back inside because you didn’t want to seem like coward but you also didn’t want to stay if you weren’t wanted.

Jeremiah was quick to notice your awkwardness, telling you that you could dip your legs into the water on his side and so that’s what you did. Sitting on the edge of the pool, dangling your legs in the water and most important of all, sitting far far away from Taylor.

Instead of Belly and Taylor going to the beach like Taylor said they would, they play a few more rounds of volleyball until Taylor hit Conrad’s girlfriend in the face causing her and Conrad to go inside.

And soon Steven left because his girlfriend called him, causing him to almost drop his phone in the water, and because it was just Jeremiah vs. Belly and Taylor they finally decided to go to the beach.

“Hey, y’know Belly doesn’t care you slept in right?” Jeremiah says, splashing water at you. He swims closer to you, pulling himself out of the pool to sit on the edge next to you.

You roll your eyes, “Her friend does.”

“Taylor? Yeah, she’s a little cray cray.” He says, motioning it with his finger.

You laugh, shaking your head. “How long is she staying?”

“Just a few days, then we’ll be Taylor free for the rest of summer.”

The rest of summer.

“You should get in.” He says, elbowing your side.

“I don’t have a bathing suit.”

He stays silent for a moment, “So?” He pushes you into the water, your body submerging into the cold water as you shoot up coughing.

You can hear him laughing, while you’re basically choking on the chlorine filled water. “You jerk! I didn’t want to get my clothes wet!”

“You can still take them off.” He suggests, watching as you slicked your hair back.

You shoot him a playful glare, “In your dreams.”

“Every dream since I’ve met you.”

You splash him with water, “You’re stupid.”

He stares at you for a moment before tackling you under water, pulling you back up with his arm around your waist. “What’d you say?”

You wipe your eyes, trying to shove him off you but no budge. Your guys’ faces were even closer, your breath hitched. What was gonna happen?

He made eye contact with you a few times, and the times he wasn’t doing that he was staring at your lips. He started leaning in, closer and closer to the point where your noses were almost touching.

You felt like you couldn’t even breathe.

Did you even want this?

And just as he was about to move closer you shoved him away, taking him by surprise.

He backs away quickly, eyes widening.

“S-sorry.. I just… I just don’t really know you.” You say, scratching the back of your neck.

“No, yeah, yeah I shouldn’t have done that. You don’t have to apologize.” He says, eyes still as round as saucers.

“Uhrm… yeah…” You mumble, crossing your arms around yourself as you suddenly felt cold even though you were used to the water.

What a way to kill a mood. Why’d you even do that, damnit.

He nods, placing his lips into a tight line. “I’m gonna…” He closes his mouth, pointing to the house while backing up.

“Okay.” You say, nodding.

You watch him turn around, pull himself out of the water and grab a towel before he quickly goes inside

Leaving you in the pool alone as you stared at the spot he was just at.

Taglist: @mindflay3r @lexi-2004 @buckys2thicc @agoodmansaid @jeremiahfisherslover @yourfavoritefangirl @leslienjazzy @natsgaygf @justkayleighhere @puptails @simp4jackharlow @yobabygirlally @whenmypartysover @mariaelizabeth21-blog1 @medusaslilsister @maexxc @siriuslysmoking @nowimyurdaisy @totallynotkaibiased @eevee0722 @theyallhaveluv4lyricb @wh0reforstefansalvatore @pariahsparadise

[aayakashii]

hihi! I absolutely love ur hcs and fics!! (I may or may not have downloaded Tumblr just from your fics on AO3 👉👈)

anyways- I wanted to ask if you have any hcs for unlikely friendships among the ghouls? Like maybe Lyca and Mido would get along well, or Leo and Rui?

also do you have any hcs for Towa's flower nicknames for the other ghouls? (Like how he calls MC "dandelion", Edward "Rafflesia", etc)

OH MY GOD??????????? this is literally the sweetest ask I have ever gotten seriously seriously thank you so much for liking my fics AND DOWNLOADING TUMBLR BECAUSE OF THEM??? OMG 😭 THIS IS SURREAL...... I hope we get to interact a lot more here now!!!! >:3

Now now about your request, it's actually something I've never thought about!!

Off the top of my head, I think these are some good friends:

Haru and Tohma: two tired men who work a lot and bond because of their exhaustion 🤝 Haru could go to the vault whenever he is suffering from heat exhaustion after spending too much time under the sun and Tohma could take his walks around Jabberwock’s fields! Mutual benefits!

Lyca, Kaito and Luca: @ghoulspaw had the great idea that Kaito and Luca would be the best boys to play with Lyca >:3 and I think they'd be quite understanding (Kaito would take a while to warm up to him because he's a wuss) and Luca could help Lyca with his studies!!!

Alan and Lyca: I promise not all of them will involve Lyca. But I JUST KNOW Lyca would be :O!!!!!! after seeing Alan and how strong he is. Cue new sparring buddy for Alan!!!!

Kaito and Sho: I think this is either a bit canon or someone else already had a headcanon??? But Kaito bakes sweets I think?? AM I THINKING OF A FIC I READ???? But anyway, Sho and him could exchange recipes! Leo would hate it though because he hates Kaito but That's Not About Him.

Ed and Zenji: come on. You can't tell me Ed doesn't see ghosts. Zenji would be more than happy to watch youtube with Ed and would force him to like every video he posts AND subscribe. And hit the bell.

Ren and Kaito: they would be that meme that's a bunch of ppl thinking "wow these people are a bunch of freaks! I'm the only normal one here." Except they would think "wow this guy is a loser. Thank goodness I'm not like that!" In the end, they are both losers and Ren will worsen Kaito's gambling addiction by introducing him to a bunch of gacha games.

Okay if you have more ideas please let me know because this was actually so much fun LMAO

Regarding Towa's nicknames, I genuinely think that him nicknaming people comes from a place of disdain. Like, his nicknames aren't necessarily based on the language of flowers. Sometimes, he just associates the characteristic of the plant with the character's personalities.

Edward is Rafflesia because rafflesia is the corpse flower, which smells rotten and like dead bodies. Ren is Wolfsbane because it's extremely poisonous, even to the touch. PC is Dandelion because it's a weed and it's weak, and Towa made it very clear that he thinks PC is cute because she's weak.

I don't actually know why Kaito is Coriander, but given that some people are born with the genes that make coriander taste like soap, maybe it's a nod to the fact that not everyone likes him (since he's not very well liked in Frostheim)???? Genuinely have no idea

As for Zenji, I imagine Towa associated him with Iris based on one of the flower's meaning, which is "bearer of messages and a symbol of deep sentiments" which... fits Zenji, his role in Hotarubi and his love for his baby brother quite well.

And I THINK that he doesn't refer to Haru as a flower/herb because he genuinely likes and respects Haru (unlike Ren and Ed) and doesn't think of him as someone weak and pathetic (unlike PC and Kaito).

SO.......... KNOWING ALL THAT...... now let's get into the name ideas *rubs hands* not all of them will be associated with the flower's meanings btw!!

Alan: anthurium! It's the strongest flower >:)

Sho: basil or thyme merely because of how useful they are in cuisine hehe

Taiga: with how much Taiga raids Jabberwock, Towa probably already got a nickname for him, but if it was me, I'd say petunia because one of its meanings is trouble and he's always causing Haru trouble.

Romeo: mandrake. Because he screams a lot LMAO and mandrake is that root that, in myths, people say screams when you uproot it.

Haku: lotus!!! One of its meanings is mystery and I think it fits him since he's allllll mysterious

Subaru: wisteria, I can't associate him with any other flower 😭

Lyca: lupine, for obvious reasons. It's a legume and it means wolf!!!!

Jiro: okay this name is UGLY but: rhododendron. It's means "beware" in Victorian flower language!

I genuinely didn't have any other ideas for the other ghouls so if you think of any, tell meeeeeeeee this was such a fun ask I love these types of requests!!!!

ALSO THANK YOU FOR JOINING TUMBLR AGAIN........ STILL CANT BELIEVE IT 😭

[s-4pphics]

why am i falling in love w scumbag/toxic abby…can we get more please 🤲🏾

some quick brainrot bc i miss her!!!! ily nonnie kissie😙

wc;cw: 300 or so idk, mentions of sex MDNI!!!, dubcon!!!!, just sb!abby being a trashy thot 

THE ULTIMATE GASLIGHTER!!!!! 

makes ppl she fucked think that they're the most important person in her life in that moment

tells them how much she wants them

how much she loves them

how she wants them by her side forever 

even has the decency to drive their wobbly asses home after wrecking their shit if she finds them… special

but then when she disappears and declines their calls for weeks she makes it seem like she never said the things she did!

“… but you said you loved me!”

“i didn’t mean it like that! you’re acting crazy!” 

only to call them back months later if she’s thinking ab their cunt and how hard it squirts on her dick

“i miss you so much, i’m sorry we fell out, can i come over?🥺” 

and they always let her :( poor babies

get a grip!!! she doesn’t miss u!!! she wants to stir your pussy up!!!! :(( 

LOVES A CHALLENGE!!! x3

it’s very rare that abby comes across somebody that doesn’t want her like bffr

it only happened twice and she still considers it one of the best fucks she’s ever had 

she was told no for 5 months straight by them!!! and yet still continued to find subtle ways to lure harass them into her bed 

she hated how desperate for pussy she looked whenever she saw them

but when she finally got it!!!! 

she came 6 times in her harness <3 she was drooling for that pussy 

and it was drooling for her!!!! that’s real love!!!!!

she’s a fucking panty stealer yall already know 

has a whole box of panties that she stole from unassuming virgins and milfs 

fun fact!! she hung the first milfs she ever fucked panties on her door to reminisce when she first moved into her apartment <3 such a soft gooey pussy!!!!

loves sucking out the juices when she masturbates after they leave her apartment <3 it makes her cum harder 

also has a crazy obsession with scent 

loves when ppl she wants 2 fuck smells good 

like flowers and springtime and honey 

she secretly loves missionary bc she can stick her face in their neck and inhale <3 see she kinda cute guys!!! 

HER COCK COLLECTION IS CRAZY

has all kinds of dicks in her designated drawer 

the vibrating ones!! strapless!! and her cocks are so fucking fat!!! and veiny 

obsessed with breeding like she wants to get somebody pregnant so bad 💔💔

has a size kink

loves watching her bitches struggle as she rips them open <333 it makes her go dumb 

overall she’s a hoe and she sucks!!!! but her pipe goes crazy!!!

[were-wolverine]

percy jackson ep3 live reaction

yesss the attic it looks perfect

the voice crack on “hi” i’m cackling

“oh geez” HES SO PERCY

annabeth immediately i love him.

percy’s gf requirements: has to be willing to push him down a flight of stairs without hesitation

let percy understand the horses PLEASE

“i chose you” i thought it was gonna be like ‘because you’re my best friend’ but nah he is just suspicious of grover dang. “i trust you” DAMN HE REALLY LYING HUH. poor grover totally believes him too. good thing he earns his trust back eventually and remains his best friend forever

“i’m gonna pack the best snacks” HE IS THE BEST KIND OF FRIEND

why tf are there lobster traps in the cabin. WHERE IS HIS BED???

“i think they’re canadian maybe? or from chuck e. cheese i dunno” he’s literally my favorite person ever

“these are… interesting”

thalia’s tree :(

when do they tell percy that grover was thalias protector 🤔

“the most powerful being in the universe’s best idea to save his daughter’s life… was to turn her into a tree?” YEAH FR GET HIS ASS PERCY

bro really does not know how to read the room 💀 “she met a pinecone’s fate” dude she is talking about her dead friend/sister-figure. grover’s literally like “wtf man”

how tf did they get a taxi from long island to the city bro

“i’m sorry to hear that” UR THE BEST ANNABETH

why is grover singing… THEATRE KID ENERGY

“our voting system’s broken” hgjfhdhd

BIG OOF ????

the autism makes decisions so hard very real

NOT THE TOSTITOS /j

“they smell fear” “that’s bees” EXCUSE ME? BEES WHAT NOW??

damn dodds that’s brutal

“perhaps the most formidable demigod child alive” i adore how they make 12 y/o annabeth so fucking powerful. like i really really love that they do that cuz ppl always talk about how powerful percy is but not how powerful annabeth is

defeated by shitty evacuation skills smh

…we’re lost in the woods, somewhere in new jersey

“i didn’t even know they had forests in new jersey” king. what.

ahhh i wish they just made them 13 i really cannot see them as 12 year olds

ope it is revealed. GROVER STOP TRYING TO REDIRECT THE CONVERSATION ITS NOT WORKING

annabeth IMMEDIATELY knows it’s medusa lol

thinking abt how sally used medusa’s story to teach lil percy that appearances aren’t everything and “not everything that looks like a monster is a monster”. very interested to see what they do with her in this version of pjo

“and i definitely trust my mom” percy is such a momma’s boy i love it

i hope they don’t make her evil pls pls pls. SHES NOT EVIL SHES AN SA VICTIM. “a survivor” :(

“the gift the gods gave me is i cannot be bullied anymore” yes 🙌

girl really said “it’s not a gift it’s a curse” as if she was there 💀 ilysm but clearly the story you’ve heard isn’t what really happened

“so did i” :( she was a worshipper of athena

“i wasn’t like you, i was you”

ANNABETH “that isn’t what happened” GIRL YOU WERENT THERREEEEE

you tell them medusa !! her and percy get matching “i hate poseidon” shirts

team #trust issues

oop. yeah fuck poseidon.

okay yeah i really like this characterization of her. like a good person with a skewed moral compass. or at least good intentions but not great actions

leetle snakes hiss hiss

annabeth watching percy defeat alecto… she literally has heart eyes hehe

THEY BETTER SHIP HER HEAD TO OLYMPUS I SWEAR

you tell them grover!!!!!!

oh he really did choose grover because he trusted him aw :,)

YES SHIP THE HEAD

“i am impertinent” ily

the song 💀 this is why they are besties

LIN MANUEL MIRANDA? *lip bite*

[chrisevansleftpeck]

Wine, Bubbles & Incense

Word Count: 820

Content Warnings: ppl in da bubble bath & wine

Based on: Dress by Taylor Swift

“I’m spilling wine in the bathtub, you kiss my face and we’re both drunk. Everyone thinks that they know us, but they know nothing about-”

You slipped into Spencer’s bathtub, the water still running. Your hair was clipped up in a low messy bun, just to keep it out of the water momentarily. You definitely needed this bath after a long night at Rossi’s with Spencer and the team. You and Spence never got drunk, except at Rossi’s. Wine nights at his house always ended funny for you and Spencer.

You were submerged up to your chest in warm, vanilla scented, bubble filled water. The incense you’d just started in Spencer’s room wafted into his bathroom through the open double doors. You knew you’d hear shit from Spencer about leaving it burning and unattended, but it didn’t concern you in the moment. The cherry-vanilla smell was too good to argue with after a good time at Rossi’s. 

It wasn’t long before you could hear Spencer’s footsteps trailing closer to the bathroom and he walked in cautiously, always careful not to disturb you (except for when you leave incense unattended, which you just did). You turned your head to watch his kneel on the bathmat beside you, expecting him to complain tiredly. You were pleasantly surprised to see him instead holding a glass of red in one hand, raising it up to you in offering.

“Hmm.” You considered. Spencer smiled, still holding it shoulder-level beside you. “You trying to get me good and drunk tonight?” You laughed, nodding and snatching the glass from him.

“Well, neither of us really got drunk, just tipsy. This might also be one of my most irresponsible ideas, but I wanted to maybe have some fun.” You couldn’t tell if you were shocked, but you knew for sure you were pleased.

“You should get in here.” You whispered, your unoccupied hand playing with the mountain of sudsy bubbles. 

Spencer smirked in agreement, licking his lips as he began to undress. You scrunched your knees up to your chest so Spencer could get in across from you. 

It took no time for you to begin messing with him, scooping a handful of bubbles then blowing them towards him, leaving bits of fluffy bubbles in his hair and on his face and chest. 

“Oh, you’re on.” He said mischievously, quickly pumping shampoo into his hand and placing a glob on it on top of your head, still clipped up in a low messy bun.

You sat stunned with your mouth open wide and eyes tightly shut as it dripped down your face. “You little bitch.” You laughed, maneuvering your hand around to try to reach for his face, but being met with a pretty little kisses all over your face.

You rocked back unexpectedly, giggling. Spencer reached over the tub for a towel to wipe your eyes with. “Y/N,” He laughed as you began squinting. “You spilled wine in my bathtub.” 

You hummed, giggly. “You kissed my face, it's your fault.” You fake pouted at him, taking one big sip of the wine before passing it over to Spencer. He held it for you as you released your hair, letting it fall down over your shoulders. 

Quickly, you drew in a breath, then submerged your head underwater, scrubbing the shampoo in and rinsing it. You returned to see Spencer holding back a small giggle. You noticed the glass of wine in his hand, less wine in it than before you washed your hair. 

“What happened to my wine?” You asked, leaning towards him. “Hm?”

He gulped a little, almost threatened by your beauty. “Gone.” Just like Spencer, clearly, the both of you were reaching drunk status. “What are you gonna do?” 

You relaxed back against your side of the tub. “I don’t know.” You yawned lightly, still smiling, but clearly tired. “Ask me what I’m thinking about.” You said.

Spencer placed the now empty glass on the tiled floor beside the bathtub. “What are you thinking?” 

“Everyone thinks that they know us, but they know nothing about this stuff. How nervous and desperate staring at your body and eyes makes me. How long I’d wait for you and how quiet one kiss could make me.” Your voice hushed as you spoke words that maybe wouldn’t have ever left your sober mouth. 

“No they don’t, baby. That’s just for us to know.” Spencer placed a slow, loving kiss on the tip of your nose. His hands met your hips under the water, creating a satisfied smile on your face. “You know, neuroscience says a drunk mind doesn’t speak a sober heart, but you make me question that.” 

“I can prove many theories wrong for you.” You giggled, giving a noticeable peek at the doors leading to Spencer’s bedroom. 

“Oh really? Such as?” Spencer tightened his arms around your body, nearly hugging you. 

You smiled cheekily, “Such as you hyperfocus on possible dangers that really aren’t really all that dangerous.” Spencer’s eyebrows furrowed. You leaned closer to him and whispered with a wide smile, “The incense.”

[tiredlilguy]

I’m writing from my phone because I have carpel tunnel and my hands hurt. Take these randomly assorted BSD hc’s:

(possible SB spoilers, but just the characters)

- Albatross has every piercing under the sun: like he’s got a nose ring, eyebrow piercing, snakebites… anything u can think of

- Oda wears rings 🤤, plays with them when he gets anxious (he’s also my husband)

- Chuuya is a summer child (born in the summer), so he love it when it’s hot af outside and drags his friends outside to go eat lunch with him or smth (HES HUMAN IN MY HEART STFU, I DONT WANNA HEAR IT RN)

- opposite to Chuuya, Dazai is a winter baby, but he also hates the cold

- sometimes Adam sends Chuuya random incriminated texts on his phone. It’s usually just something silly like “Hello! I hope you’re eating sugar and growing very healthy.” Or maybe a random fact like “Did you know that cows have a strong sense of smell? They can perceive smells at a distance of up to ten kilometres.” Chuuya will usually not respond back, but he scoffs and lets out a small laugh to himself before closing his phone

- Ango hates bugs, he will cry if he sees a spider sitting on his paperwork

- Oda and Ango when drunk are very enthusiastic and energetic. Oda will dance on the counter while pretending his glass is a mic. Ango will join him too- The only person that knows this side to them is Dazai

- animals love sigma for some reason. Like Disney princess style love sigma. Sigma however, hates that this happens to him, and actively avoids walking in forests or places where animals usually reside.

- Oda is a good dancer, like good… old style bar dancer. He’s quite impressive actually, and it’s attractive-

- Chuuya and Albatross both have heterochromia.

- Literally no one except for Chuuya has seen Albatross with his sunglasses off. That shit is basically glued to his face

- Verlaine is bougie as hell. Like I know he’s Mafia, but I think it’d be funny if he was… more bougie than like everyone else in the Mafia. Like he actively buys and wears expensive shit.

- Verlaine has a good hair routine.

- Doc may or may not have a plushie collection. And they may or may not all be sea animals

- Kunikida seems like he’d have an emo phase. Idk why… I just think he would.

- Despite only using one bar of soap for showering, Atsushi actually smells really nice for some reason (he smells like lavender)

- lippman is a swiftie, doc is a barb (I discussed this with one of my moots and now I can’t stop thinking about it)

- since it’s hinted is SB that Lippman would still make ppl fold at him wearing feminine clothes, I hc that he does not rly give a shit about gender or what one should/should not wear

- Chuuya has taken this tip from Lippman and has worn skirts before with his outfits

- the real reason why akutagawa dislikes mandarins (that’s canon btw) is because one time he was offered one to eat and as he was peeling it the mandarin juice got in his eye and he chopped it up into bits out of anger

- Chuuya only ate bread and soup when he was in the Sheep, since then Kouyou has introduced him to the finer foods in life, and Albatross introduced him to junk food

- Dazai used Chuuya’s shower when he was in the Mafia because he didn’t have a shower in that old ass storage container

- Oda does not pay for haircuts. He cuts his own hair, and one time he was too busy so he had to tie it up in a low pony

- Kunikida likes things that are weighted (weighted blankets, etc)

- Oda’s a little bit tanned because of jobs that have to do with being outside in the sun for long periods of time

Ok that’s all. Enjoy. I should make an Odasaku hc list because he is my absolute favorite character (next to the flags). Let me know if u want a specific bsd character hc. I will write it >:3 (also please tell me ur hc’s too. I love hc’s) I’m gonna eat lunch now.

[ilovesjamesbb]

Please Don't Leave Me (Pt 9)

Bucky x Reader

Warnings: Mature themes

“I’m gonna lower the sedative.” He pressed buttons on the machine and I could feel myself becoming alert. Everyone stared and kept quiet. 

A few minutes later I tried to squeeze Bucky's hand. This time it worked. 

“Y/n. Can you hear me? Can you open your eyes?” He said, touching the side of my face. I tried to blink my eyes open but everything was so bright. The movement was slow. 

“I’m s-sorry.” Is all I could get out. Everyone's faces looked like they had seen a ghost. 

“You have nothing to be sorry for.” Bruce reassured me. 

“Can you give us a minute?” Bucky asked everyone else. They all nodded and slowly started to walk out. I turned my face to the other side of the bed, not daring to look Bucky in the eye. Tears rolled down my face. His hand never leaves mine. I heard the door shut and he stood up. He was leaving too. All of a sudden he laid on the bed with me and draped an arm around my waste. Holding me. A sob left me and I couldn’t control it. 

“Shh. Doll, I’m here. I’m never leaving you. I promise. I know I broke that promise but I won’t let it happen again-” He begged.

“I believe you.” I said softly, turning to look at him. He looked so broken. I hadn’t seen him like this before. He still had his gear on and he looked like he hadn’t slept in ages. Then he started to cry. 

“God, don’t do that ever again. You scared the shit out of me. I can’t live without you. I made you do this. I understand if you never want to see me again but I will make it up to you everyday for the rest of my life.” He grabbed my face. 

“Just hold me, James.” He put a kiss on my forehead and rested his own against mine before bringing me to his chest. I couldn’t help but laugh. 

“Why do we do this to each other? Why do we leave when we know we couldn't leave without the other. We are so stupid.” His brow quirked and he laughed softly. 

“We really are.” He said and I could hear his words vibrating in his chest. 

“Why didn’t you tell me what you had been through?” He said softly. 

“The same reason you haven’t told me what you’ve been through.” I countered. None of it mattered. I couldn't change it he couldn't change it. 

“I want all of you. Your scars are my scars, doll.” He said, stroking my hair. He smelled like blood. 

“Are you hurt? I can smell blood.” I asked worry written all over my face. He hesitated. 

“You are, aren’t you? Bucky-”

“It’s not my blood.” Oh, so the mission didn’t go well. He sighed. 

“t’s yours.” I froze. The bathroom, last night. That was him. I thought it was a delusion. I moved to look at him. 

“You found me.” I stated. He didn’t nod but I could see it in his eyes. 

“Oh my god. I am so sorry, it was so selfish, I didn’t know what to do-”

“You told me about our future.” He cut me off. 

“The fence, the newspaper, and the dog. You told me all of it.” He said, grabbing the sides of my face. 

“I don’t care about the past, I only care about the future. Our future. I want that. I want the dog and the tree. I want the stupid paperboy and the red door. I want you.” He breathed. 

“When you were dying you were playing our song.” Tears pricked in his eyes. I closed the gap between our mouths and kissed him. The taste of salty tears mixed in. 

“I wanted you to be with me.” I said against his lips.

“You will never be without me again. I swear on my life.” He said seriously but I laughed. 

“Let’s stop wagering our lives and how about we just believe each other.” He smiled. 

“Sounds wonderful to me, doll. We need to talk about what happens next, we are both still in danger.” He said. 

“I know but we will figure it out.”

“Together.”

“Together”

How is it going party ppl! Should I continue?

[peterparkersnose]

Last of Us Spoilers Episode 3

—————————

Joel’s broken hand in the rocks seemed so sad. rip tess

kumbaya he’s stacking the rocks now

Ellie with Joel’s jacket as a blanket awwe

I love how Ellie is bothering Joel it’s so cannon I love it

5 MILE HIKE??? my feet would be hurting. i don’t get out much cant you tell?

ELLIE WHY are you opening that shit in the gas station??? Close the mystery door please!

TF SHE GETTING IN FOR?

nvm tampons

the infected scared the shit out of me

why is she dissecting it miss girl this ain’t a science class

they never mentioned tampons in the game, i’m so happy they finally addressed it somehow

HEY i remember that shot from the first teaser pic! i legit thought it was fake too for the longest time. nope deja vu

mass graves tho like it makes sense. sad.

BRO THEY GOT TO MAKE THAT TRANSITION FROM THE DEAD PPL CLOTH TO WHEN THEY WERE ALIVE ouch

for what

Nick Offerman as Bill 10/10 casting

Bill was fucking prepared goddamn

at least someone had a good time during the apocalypse

THE TRAPS! so disappointed we didn’t get much from that tho.

the ‘don’t tread on me’ flag and he’s gay? (when worlds collide)

Frank is adorable

All I see is Ron Swanson in Bill IM SORRY

Frank is so wholesome I love this sun and moon trope going on

KISS! First kiss in this show that’s been GOOD (traumatic flashbacks to last week’s kiss)

Love in the apocalypse tho i mean meeting someone like that- wow. beautiful.

This is so sweet, I hate that I know what’s coming

OHMYGOD TESS AND JOEL? AT DINNER?

loving domestic joel

tess looked so beautiful and happy it makes her death even worse

i’m obsessed with how they aged the characters. beautifully of course.

“If… mine,” Joel describing Tess

Loving 2011 Joel. Gives us more of a backstory I love it.

Bill all dressed up for Frank’s friends awwe

2014 Strawberries i love this sm

“Not on the strawberries!” LMAO

Yo now there pee paws, so cute

I love how there taking care of eachother in old age

Pretty sure frank has ms. so sad.

why am i crying this is so sad

“get married” i’m done bye tears

better ending than franks game ending for sure

THIS SHOW DESERVES A FUCKING EMMY

double suicide?

i will say the missed out chance on batshit bill gameplay is sad

hot take not enough interaction with infected so far, i wanna see joel go feral on some runners

Joel got his car at least

I’m so sad it’s different from the game but I loved Frank and Bill’s love story

More audio I recognize from the game! Joel’s Rules! LOVE

ELLIE GOT HER SHIRT

Showering omg i bet you joel smells like ass

SHOWERED JOEL he looked so handsome with his hair wet slicked back

bro ellie doesn’t know what a seatbelt is

Episode 3 10/10

[jackienautism]

The fact if Nick was a yt girl and Emma was a guy y’all would lose your minds at the truth or dare scene, hate Emma and sympathize with Nick

(Not saying you have to like Nick it’s fine if you don’t) but the whole logic of “he could have gotten out of the situation but he didn’t” is kind of gross and giving victim blaming vibes??

Emma was there to see him express he was uncomfortable with kissing her but she still initiated it. He probably got awkward and too nervous to stop her. He’s also characterized as someone who “falls in line with others around him” so he most likely lacked the confidence to tell her to stop. Even shot of his face after Emma pulls away, he looks nervous and upset rather than pleased with the kiss.

And your whole logic of “he wants tits and ass” is so inaccurate it’s not even funny lol. He told Jacob to “don’t be gross” when Jacob implied something sexual between Nick and Abi. And the whole pool scene where Nick was saying weird stuff? Him saying “you smell so good” and “I want to taste you” means he LITERALLY wants to taste her. He’s a WEREWOLF. Not defending him in that scene and Abi had the right to be freaked out but I’m saying it’s not sexual. Even Evan Evagora, Nick’s actor, confirmed that he acted the way he did due to the infection and it’s not truly him (there are screenshots of an Instagram story he said that in that are floating around on tumble) so I have no idea where you got the idea that he wanted sex from Abi

what thje FUCK ar eyou even saying right now? ppl fucking HATE EMMA OVER THE TRUTH OR DARE SCENE???????? PPL BARELY SYMPATHIZE W/ HER??????????????? thats just in fucking accurate my guy. NO ONE EVER BRINGS UP NICK'S INVOLVEMENT THATS ALL IM FUCKING SAYING LMAO. PPL ALREADY HATE EMMA OVER IT LIKE I DONT KNOW WHAT THE FUCK YOURE TALKING ABOUT

victim blaming for WHAT? please TELL ME.

then why the hell was he there w/ his tongue down emma's throat?????? he didnt have to go all in and yet he did! and also, my friend, his arms / hands were wide fucking open ready for emma? and he also leaned in just as much as her????? ALL IM GODDAMN SAYING IS IT ANNOYS ME THAT PPL ALWAYS BLAME EMMA FOR WHAT HAPPENED. WHEN NICK WAS JUST AS INVOLVED. I DONT CARE WHAT YOU THINK HAPPENED. and i took the shot of his face being nervous or fucking whatever due to jacob literally screaming at them to stopl. and the fucking fact that he just kissed his "crush's" best fucking friend.

mauybe im wrong w/ that, i dont rly fucking care though. i dont care. i jsut took the infected nick as exposing hsi innermost desires. similar to what we've seen w/ the other characters, it makes them super vulnerable and whatever. and i just took some fo what infected nick was saying as him exposing himself! "easy pickins, right off the bone" yeah maybe that was just him being hungry bc hes a werewolf or whatevr but i took it that he was just going after abi bc shes an "easy" target. i dont rly care what the actor has to say sorry. i moreso care abt the writers but like sure i get it. since i like ace laura and ryan and i know both justice and siobhan talked abt it and i take their word for it. i hahd a better explanation as to why i thought nick wanted tits and ass butits been awhile since ive played and i forgot most of my thought process. anyway im gonna go kill myself now i guess.

[tetsuskei]

kujax vampire au…………. please………… more…….. 😩💦

don’t worry mira i got you 🙂‍↕️💝

i thought more about the idea on how i find him bloodied, beaten, and bruised in the forest and i take him in to care for him. and like he’s unconscious when i find him so when he wakes up he’s instantly on guard bc he doesn’t know where he is. and because hes trained as a hunter he instantly knows i am a vampire and immediately plots to attack. but then is also skeptical bc he’s wondering why i didn’t kill him.

i feel like in this au all the harbingers are trained vampire hunters and childe has like a vow to protect all his family from them so…he wants and has to kill me.

my vampire persona isn’t really scared of him killing me bc i am much stronger than him (which he later finds hot, who would’ve known). there’s a whole running gag of him trying to kill me and failing and it eventually turns into a plot of him wanting to fight me to get stronger.

AND ONCE he does get to a point of pinning me down and having a stake at my neck, then i stare and him and smirk and im like ‘what? aren’t you going to kill me?’ but he can’t do it.

also princess mononoke moment where i admit he looks pretty holding a stake to my neck and then that gets him to break and confess his feelings for me.

there’s a lot of conflict within childe for feeling feelings for me and he tries to deny them but he can’t stop thinking about me.

i am adding this but i think the final nail in the coffin (no pun intended) is me saving his little brother teucer from danger. knowing very well i could have killed him and didn’t, he realizes i am not bad like other vampires are.

we are heavily starting a forbidden romance at this point, seeing each other in secret and going on dates.

one time i was on the verge of death and i needed to be saved by drinking human blood (i only drink animal blood). childe instantly offers his own blood, but i refuse. he would make me, not wanting me to die.

i would get flustered seeing the contrast of blood and his pale skin—especially with how good he smells too @_@

childe’s also a little turned on seeing me get needy or aggressive because of drinking his blood and how good it is. even if someone else offers me their blood, he only wants me to feed from him, no one else (he gets jealous, he’s petty that way). we are both possessive ppl and tbh i can’t tell you who’s worse. it depends on the day.

we both come from two different universes, both think we are monsters, but care for each other a lot—especially since we understand each other so well.

[msallurea]

Heyy love so i'm new to loa can u tell how do we imagine, sry if its a dumb question.

It's not dumb at all, I'm learning this myself. But based on knowledge from myself and others I'll explain the best way I can:

First you need to know what imagination is. Imagination DOES NOT EQUAL VISUALIZATION. It is nothing more than your consciousness/mind/4D/Awareness (these all mean the exact same thing so dont worry about what to call it just know its your imagination all the same)

You also need to know the CONSCIOUSNESS IS THE ONLY REALITY, everything you see now wouldn't have even existed if it wasn't first imagined, which leads me to the next thing: your 3d reality is just a REFLECTION of your 4d reality like a mirror (which is why I also want you to understand that the things within you and outside of you aren't separate at all they all come from the same source which is consciousness/imagination/4d/mind/you)

Now as to how you guys should do it, I will first say that it is not a "one size fits all" answer because everyone can imagine differently

For example, I want you guys to imagine a cake. U did it? OK good, now in your mind what did you see? Some of you may have saw a image, others may have smelled cake in there imagination,others may have felt the icing, or aome if you might have even affirmed in your head describing the cake. Either way however you imagine the cake that is how YOU imagine

Another is an example from @remcycl333 say you want purple hair, you can affirm you have purple hair that's imagining, you can visualize you have purple hair that's imagining, you can script you have purple hair that's imagining. Whatever it is that you do in your mind that helps you create the feeling of having or being something mentally that is how you imagine

But for those who may need a step by step guide on how to:

1. What's something you want

2. Close your eyes (tho you can imagine while there open as well) and see the thing that you want, that you already have it, don't be so focused on details how does it make you feel (As in feel im not just talking about emotion if that comes up but simple KNOWING) imagining having that thing you want

3. That's it..now you have what you want because you literally just imagined it

4. Persist (not repeating, but simply sticking to the fact you know that you already have exactly what you want because you imagined it already) regardless of whatever opposes it, I mean how can you deny it if you've already experienced it in imagination

Something else I want you to know to because you will hear this alot in the community "though false, if persisted in it will harden into fact" a famous quote from neville Goddard though what you imagine may be false now in your outer world, if you can turn away from your 3d senses and realize that because you have imagined it within if you stick to knowing that you have it and the 3d has no other choice but to reflect it then it will harden into fact for your outerworld as well (because it's already a fact within you, you just persist in knowing that it already is done in imagination the OG reality, it will be reflected..do not stress or worry about the hows or when, if it is done the moment you imagined it then its done period)

I do apologize if it seems I may have dragged this out a bit I can overexplain sometimes but I do hope this helped you understand 😭

But because you are new my advice is to one go to the source which is Neville Goddard and Edward Art they explain it the best, and few and I do mean a FEW accounts I highly suggest you read posts from if you need any other info would be @remcycl333 @fleurlx @itsravenbitch @starnightlover they are some of the main ppl I go to when in need of info or a post of reassurance Also please please PLEASE DONT OVERCONSUME INFO once you have the basics take what resonates and APPLY and no I don't mean testing for a few minutes n then crying when you don't see it 5 seconds later actually apply the info you received and listen to your intuition as well if you don't like or feel uncomfortable doing something DONT do it simply tweak it to make manifesting and imagining fun and easier for you

[highnsleepdeprived]

Tw and this will be the longest post I will ever make and have ever made. But I need to get this off my shoulders I need to say anything to anyone who may or may not listen. If you read this, do me or comment I need input. I guess this is a sort of aita or just how do I make ppl happy without destroying my mental health in the process? I need balance, I need something, anything. Really, I’m not sure what I need. But any words are encouraged. I know I’m not gonna get answers. But just, is this normal ? Am I being too much? Should I keep to myself? Is any of this worth it anymore?? Anyways, bless your heart if anyone reads this novel lol.

Anyways.

I’m a week sober now.

I thought life would be so much better. But my old repressed problems arose so fast and out of nowhere. It’s been extremely difficult.

Every night I have dreams of trying to use and I never get to in my dream. I wake up before I can get high at least in a dream. Then I’m awake and have nothing to satisfy the urge. So I go back to sleep. Then, The dreams get violent, terrifying, and too real. I wake up screaming, sometimes yelling my boyfriend’s name. He’s always in the other room. Used to run in and hug me tell me it’s just a dream etc. Now he seems to get annoyed, doesn’t come in now, and seems to like it better when he doesn’t know what’s going on in my head. Everyone seems to like it better actually.

My ptsd has come back with a vengeance during sobriety. It feels like the (tw) rape, near death experiences, guns to the head, knives to the throat, no one coming when I’d scream even in a house full of people…being drugged, the attempts on my life, overdoses, the hundreds of hospital and psych visits, the physical and mental abuse, the homeless months doing things I wouldn’t ever have thought I’d ever do, getting beat the shit out of for no reason other than being an easy target, even just little things I regret.. the general trauma I guess..it’s all replayed all over again in my brain, many times a day. It’s like I’m really there again. I’m always brought back to those moments, those feelings. My god it feels so real. It’s so vivid, I can smell the air of the memory, I can feel it all happen again, I can see the surroundings like I never left In the first place. Worst of all is seeing the look on their pleased faces after all is said and done. The pain in my stomach. The bruises and suffocation. The guns and knives to my head, my neck. Every detail of it all. I feel it. I see it. I smell it. I’m back there, like I’ve time travelled somehow to the worst times of my life.

So I got the courage up to tell my boyfriend, and my mother. I explained only the fact that the ptsd is back and the nightmares. I said I feared if I didn’t let someone know I would do something reckless and irrational trying to make it all stop in my head. I asked if they could check up on me sometimes, or even just support me in this hard time.

My god was that ever a mistake.

I was told me telling my struggles and my cries for help are abusive..I’m told I’m burdening the people I love. That I have control over myself and my mental health. That no one should have to hear about it because it’s not their issue. My mother said “why are you telling me this? Why are you doing this to me? What did I ever do to you?” Like I had said it was her fault or something. It was like I explained it all word for word, said it was her fault, or called her the worst names under the sun. But I didn’t.. I couldn’t figure out what I did wrong, I thought maybe she thought I felt this way because of something she thought she may have done so I said it isn’t her fault and that I never thought that, and never wanted it to come across that way. She said it didn’t, but I am torturing her by telling her my struggles cause she doesn’t deserve to hear it. She said That it’s abusive to put my problems on others, which was not my intention so I felt terrible.. I promised I wouldn’t talk about any negativity to her no matter how I feel.

My boyfriend told me to stop being so negative and said only I can help myself. He thinks I’m focusing on these awful memories like I want to, not that they invade my mind whenever they feel like it. He said I’m “playing victim” and continued by saying “ it’s over with” and to stop acting like I’m some weak victim still, but In my eyes, I was a survivor not a victim.. I was only trying to speak of how I felt for my safety and maybe get feedback on what may be helpful for these moments, or just get some physical love, a hug, at very most maybe just feedback from the two people who I thought know me best..

But talking about how I’m feeling and hoping for some empathy or what would be above and beyond to me, would be an idea or plan to make things easier when episodes happen and I’m alone, because I don’t have a counsellor yet that’s coming this week. So, thinking he’d say let’s watch a movie to distract or something, was so wrong. Wanting support knowing I’m unable to handle it myself, or talking about the issue at all apparently makes me some kind of monster..

But How do you explain to some who doesn’t get flashbacks that there’s no way to control it? They don’t seem to get it.

I’m told I seem to want to be a victim. That I’m weak. Should’ve been over it by now. The people who are supposed to love me and care, think I’m abusive for wanting help, advice, comfort, anything..even just company which was all i ended up asking for at all. there were no harsh words said, no abusive behaviour done, I was just wanting comfort. And somehow that is abusive of me, to want sympathy. Not pity. I don’t fucking want pity. That is the last thing I want, it feels demeaning and desperate on my end if that’s what I wanted. I hate pity. I won’t give it and don’t want it. But I will give understanding and empathy. And obviously I want that too.. Or even just a hug.. all I asked was for my boyfriend to sit with me so I don’t feel so alone. I need something just until counselling is ready for me after creating a new file and giving me a worker. But It’s abusive to put that on someone else they said. To ask for the man I love to sit in the same room as me, just for comfort, is being an abusive burden. Being upset that I still have to deal with the past like it’s the present makes me a victim who wants to play that role still apparently. Thinking it’s not fair to still have to relive it after it’s all done years later, they say, makes me unreasonable. talking about it is unreasonable, so is hoping for at least an indication that I’m allowed to open up like I always have been before, an indication that the people I care about the most have my back. It’s my mom and boyfriend, I thought they did... they always have. I’m hurting and it’s my fault that I can’t stop, they say it like I don’t try, that I haven’t tried dbt, cbt, inpatient trauma rehab, every medication I could have tried, individual therapy with over a dozen different therapists, even 45 visits to the psych ward. But I’m still not trying enough..? Or haven’t at all!? I’m victimizing myself and it’s my fault I’m struggling because I feel all the past trauma happen all over again because of a disorder that I haven’t gotten under control of yet?? I should be stronger I’m told, not let it get to me. I agree I should be stronger. After all this time I should know better, feel better. But the drugs numbed me for so long I haven’t felt this in so much time that it feels worse than before. Opening up about it to them both, to me, took strength.. but I wasn’t just shut down I was told everything I feel is invalid, everything I’ve done to make progress wasn’t really progress cause I wasn’t really trying, and in some weird way I agree. cause it didn’t work. And to talk about it to the loml, to my family, is evil of me. They act Like I’m putting it in my mind myself , starting the flashbacks on my own, and talking to them for some type of relief, to them is me trying to make their day worse and make them feel guilty. They’ve always done more than enough and I make sure they know I feel blessed, this all felt so out of nowhere..

How do I make them see that I can’t control it? That I could be thrown back into a terrible memory, so vivid I can see it and feel it all over again, one that completely ruins the progress I’ve made. How do I get them to see that I try to build myself back up all over again, but that it’s almost impossible to do alone, and that I can’t help it I can’t control ptsd episodes and if I could I would. Why would I want to remember this shit? Let alone relive it?? Is it so evil to know that I need support from people who matter most to me to build myself back up and ask for that support in the form of just being nearby ? I live with my bf, neither of us work currently, so asking to sit in the same room shouldn’t be so terrible it shouldn’t be something evil to ask.. we always spend every hour of the day together and it has always been great, we don’t get sick of each other etc.. but today he’s been ignoring me and playing video games. I’ll repeat myself and he will reply “I heard you. Not sure what to say”. But he always knows what to say. I think he’s just sick of my baggage, sick of me not being better yet. I thought he knew I do what I can though, and that it’s not a mind over matter type thing. When I told him he didn’t believe me.

They don’t say all these things about my seizures and it’s the same type of thing. Even if I feel it coming on, I can’t stop it. If I say I feel like I may have a seizure they listen and jump into action but when it’s my mental health it’s horrible of me to make it clear that I’m struggling. They say they think I want to stew in my emotions and drag them into it. I’m working on getting help through new resources, but until that day comes, I thought the people who always have helped would be supportive. Or even just be nearby, at least respond. I do what I can, it’s not enough. If all this happened without the calling me abusive and a victim etc, I’d understand. I know they aren’t professionals and have no obligation to help I don’t expect anything but a hug or even to just sit in silence with someone. But why is my pain what makes me so horrible? If I did shit like blame them, or told them they aren’t helping or doing enough, swore, called names, directed anger to them, I’d understand then.. ya that’s abusive behaviour. but to want to feel loved, not alone, and just a bit of empathy, To want any sort of support I think is okay… but in their eyes it means I’m weak for wanting that or even feeling how I do. I have to do it alone or I’m “trying to be a victim”, “trying to get attention” “want to keep the victim mentality going so others pity me”. Pity to me, is the last thing I want. But if to want support or ask to talk, to sit in a room together, is evil and abusive and makes me a weak victim that doesn’t want change then what am I supposed to do? These words make me feel unworthy of life and unworthy of treatment, like I don’t deserve to get better. If that’s how I am why should I deserve any good at all ? Would I still be so terrible if I began keeping my pain, my thoughts, my body, my everything, to myself? Would they love me more if I were silent? Put on a smile, wear a mask of a person who is doing well, play the part, bottle up whatever’s not pleasant for others sake (and mine so I’m not alone) so I can open it when I’m alone, vulnerable, irrational, at risk? or maybe never open it again..? Have my mind suffer but keep it separate from the persona everyone wants to see. The caricature of someone with no baggage, happy all the time and doesn’t have any diagnosis that makes me more than imperfect but makes me totally unbearable and makes everyone near me miserable. I feel like with a bit of time and help professionally, mixed with support from loved ones, I’d be that person eventually, maybe not exactly but I wouldn’t be faking at least..

They deserve the best, I love them both to death and they’re great people so I must be doing something wrong, they’re probably right and if I’m not at my best and it makes me a monster for them to know that, then I’ll act okay again. The fake it till u make it doesn’t work in this specific scenario ptsd doesn’t work that way for me, but It seems like the only solution right now, to keep my family and boyfriend happy hopefully, or at least keep me in their lives.

I thought I was a survivor..but apparently I’m still a victim. Or at least that’s what others see. Someone who will always be or “want” to be the victim.

I just wanted to be a survivor. I thought that’s how I came across..like a kind, loving, strong, survivor. Not a weak, abusive, victim who is a bother to be around or know..

The lines have began to blur. Is it really so wrong to explain your feelings to the people closest to you ..? Am I really so terrible?? Should I even keep getting real help and more of it if I seem like a victim, like I’m trying to be one? Do I really not seem like a survivor? Does pain mentally really make me weak..?

I don’t know what’s real anymore.

I don’t know what to think or feel anymore.

I’d rather feel nothing at all.

Hear nothing.

Be nothing.

Because Then who will I burden?

I can’t be a burden if I’m alone. If I’m gone.

Maybe it’s what’s wanted, what’s needed. I’m not even sure what to do or what’s worth it anymore. Doesn’t seem like anything is tbh. I try so hard to be a good person, at least be better than before.. to hear I’m doing the opposite today, when before i was told i was doing well because I didn’t complain about my mental health, hearing this is how loved ones think of me, no matter how much I have tried, is so discouraging. I’m looked down on. All I wanted was to hear it’ll be okay. Hear “I’m sorry that must be hard” or an “I’ll be here if you need”, even offering a damn tea.. I would be so happy, I’d know they’re trying too. In times like these, I think anyone and everyone deserves kindness. In dark times sometimes we can’t be our own light. These two people have always been that light for me, but they must have had enough. I don’t blame them.

I need to be strong for the ones I love, not trauma dump and in return be looked down on and seem like I’m trying to keep myself in pain or bring others down with me.

That’s not who I am. I can’t believe this is who I’m seen as now.. I’m gonna lose the people I love and need most over my mental heath being too much baggage, and my past following me into the future. If only I hadn’t been so trusting, letting these traumatic bs things happen to me. I should have had my guard up. I only wanted a shoulder to cry on, to vent a bit or hear a couple kind words, I just wanted to feel loved. I never wanted to seem so horrible, seem like I’m trying to make this who I am or ruin someone’s day or relationship with me by speaking about my issues. I figured they know me best, they’d know what to say or at least how to reassure me. I can’t always do this on my own but I’m gonna have to until a counsellor picks up my case. But then will I burden them..? I don’t know what to think anymore. I don’t know who I am anymore. I know when I do wrong and I know when to apologize I do everything I can to be the best I can. Pain changes people, I wanted to get input from people closest to me before the pain changed me for the worst. But I’m already not the person I thought I was apparently I’m everything I always wanted not to be… if anyone has any sort of words good or bad I just need to know what to think at this point. Should I keep to myself from this point on?? Just deal with the flashbacks hold back tears and pretend it didn’t happen ? Am I really being that way to them ? I see how it’s unfair because both don’t like to open up about feelings but I make sure constantly that they know when they’re ready to they can. It just hurts knowing that isn’t reciprocated. If anyone can give me an idea on how not to be so awful to them but still hopefully get the support I need I would be very grateful. I know there’s probably no one reading this. But if you did thank you. I just need to turn this around so I’m not the person they see me as cause now it’s all I can think about.